I took a moment to read the differences between a healthy relationship and abusive relationship and come to the conclusion that my present relationship is in trouble. I'm 43, married, 2 kids and a mother-in-law. And I'm a male. I fell in love with my wife 15 years ago because she was the kindest, sweetest, most devotional person I have ever met. After the first year, things started to change. jealousy, greed, control and a total attitude of superiority began to grow. I assumed that all marriages took effort and I was willing to give in to each of her demands, i.e. give up the check book to her, deposit all money auto deposit. I cannot take money out without telling her. If she gives me money, she wants an accounting as to where it went. I have no friends because she doesn't like them or they are women, and I must be having an affair. I cannot use the internet, (I'm at work now) to communicate to anyone, unless she reads what I write first. She closed my bank accounts because her name was not on them (I had them before we married), and she opens her own with only her name on them. She says, that's because she doesn't trust me to leave the money in the bank. Oh, I could go on and on... but I stay because I love my kids and would go into a major state of depression if I lost them. What are your thoughts? I want to be an equal!

It's hard to pinpoint when your relationship went from a healthy one to an abusive one, but from what you say it is definitely abusive. Somewhere along the line, she lost her self-esteem and the ability to trust you to the point of obsessiveness.

Marriage counseling would possibly help her understand her behavior and help her learn to trust again.

If she won't go, then find a therapist for yourself to help you live with the possibility that you will divorce her. An attorney can assist you with the details and set liberal visitation for you and the children. If she won't accept help and her obsessiveness is also geared toward the kids, that could very well be enough for the courts to give you custody.