Dear Angel. I'm fairly new on the net and I actually use the net as an escape route, to break away a bit from "life". I'm 24, have a 6 1/2 yr old son; and have been married for almost seven yrs. My husband and I have basically had the problems since the first yr. or so of our relationship (before we got married). Promiscuity is something we've both been guilty of in the past and quite frankly, I think he still is. The reason for my letter angel is this... I've been wanting (ever since I can remember) to have a safe, stable, loving environment for my son and myself, and I do realize that my marriage is over emotionally, however my strength is not up to par. I know I need to just walk away and get on with my life; if not for my sake then for my son ... then why is it so hard to put into motion? I've noticed over the yrs. that whenever my husband cheated on me, he always established a relationship (for whatever reasons) with those other girls, and because he wasn't showing his TRUE EMOTIONS to me, I therefore strayed and found it easy to accept the love other men were showing me. I've cheated sexually with a few men and I'm very ashamed and disappointed with myself. I never did give any of them the chance to truly "prove" their love for me but I admit I felt it from them in ways my own husband never showed me. That leads me to the situation why I'm confused. My husband and I have been separated for almost 2yrs, living in separate houses, yet in a "relationship" and recently we have not been agreeing on anything, so I decided that the environment we had created was unhealthy for all involved and we should go our separate ways. He feels that I'm not willing to try and I don't care. I do but quite honestly angel.. I'm FED UP!! 7 yrs of my life has revolved around being the perfect mate, rather than being a better person and parent. I need to be me and be free to love and express it openly. I've also recently found out that a man that I've known and secretly had a "teenage crush" on, also had a crush back then... right up until now. He admitted to always being in love with me and wanting to be with me. Now in the past, it has been so easy to fall in and out of love and I've been exposed to many different "versions" of what love is and isn't, therefore I find it painfully hard to determine whether or not he is telling the truth and if so, should I date him? I don't want a daddy for my son or a replacement hubby, I just want to live, and experience life wisely yet freely. I'm not sure if I love him or if I'm in love with the thought of loving him yet convincing myself that I do. The hook is...... he's unhappily married for 1 yr. (together almost 5 yrs) with two children and says he wants to leave but I know he won't. I truly can understand why.

Can you help?

Why in the world did you ever get married? You say that you want a safe, stable and loving environment for yourself and your son, but you admit that you have cheated on your husband, and have feelings for a man that is unhappily married and says that wants to leave.

If you want to be single and see other people, then divorce your husband. You are not teaching your son to grow up with any morals or ideals by cheating on his father, and wanting to date married men.

I highly suggest counseling for you to learn why you feel a man has to prove his love for you, and why you feel that you have spent the past 7 yrs. trying to be the "perfect" mate. Marriage is about communication and trust. No one is perfect and it takes a lot of time and understanding to make it work out.

Counseling will help you learn why you feel the way you do about your relationships and help you feel better about yourself. Until you learn to feel confident and good about yourself, you will never find what you think you are looking for.