Angel - I've have been in a committed relationship for 14 years (not married but it doesn't matter - that's a feeling both of us share). We have a great relationship, especially at this stage. Our main problem is vacations. I like to travel & traveled when I was single (and you could say poor). He had an incident in a plane when he was 19 & made excuses he wouldn't fly. OK. I knew that going into the relationship. So for 13 years, I've gone to the same damn place, not just the same town but the same condo, the same restaurants, the same shops, everything. Last year, he won a trip to Cancun - we went. It was THE best vacation & arguably one of the best times of our relationship - he agreed totally & couldn't wait to go back in 2001 --- and we went to the old beach place also. In the meantime, he has had some back problems (had this before we went to Cancun), and received treatment that only worked sporadically. Our deal was we would go some place else (besides the old place) each year. He asked if we could go to Cancun again - I agreed. Then he asked another couple to go with us. Then all of a sudden, none of us can get a straight answer - excuses, "I don't know," etc. After Christmas, he told me he thought I would buy the tickets for him for Christmas. (I would have but I didn't think he would like that as he is the "dominant" partner). So I bought them for his b-day. The other couple is in on the surprise. He hated it. When I repeated what he said about me buying the tickets, he said he felt better. Now its; his back hurts, he has shortness of breath, chest pains, etc. BUT, he made the deposit on the old place at the beach in September as usual. He says I'm selfish because I don't think of his pain. (Yet he previously said he never felt as good as he did there). The old place has a horrible bed, lots of traffic, can't sleep - its a constant gripe. So when I presented the tickets to Cancun he got mad, said I'm selfish, cancel, lots of health excuses........ I said how can you make plans for the old place that's 6 months later. yada yada. Anyway, I said I wasn't going there, he said fine. We're barely speaking. Am I selfish for wanting to go somewhere else again after 14 years? His health problems are not as bad as his excuses (he's has several doctors he sees). He's sort of a hypochondriac (his mother is - and his sister feels they both are) He never explicitly told the friends he invited to go that he changed his mind - just said I don't know. What's the deal? Should I have not said I wasn't going to the old place? I really don't want to go so I feel I shouldn't have to - I would make allowances if there was a fair trade off. He says I'm selfish. HELP!

You have a great committed relationship? I'm really confused here as to who said what to who.

The best that I can advise is to talk to his doctors and find out exactly what his physical limitations are and work together to find a vacation spot that you can both live with. If that doesn't happen, perhaps separate vacations with times away from each other will help you see just how committed you really are to each other.