My 17 yr old son (11th grade, soon to be 18 in 2 weeks) is in love with a 15 yr old conniving, manipulative, obsessive, possessive, mean spirited, lying girl. (for 5 months now, since Aug 2000).

I have rules for him like every parents and home does. She tells him ways to get around the rules by telling him what lies to tell me. She tells him what lies to say to me to get money from me.

When I catch him in a lie, or he disobeys me, she tells him that I am not a good mom, that I am stupid, that I am a B_ _ _ _. And she tells him to tell me to take my F_ _ _ _ _ _ rules and shove them up my A_ _. Then come back and call her on the phone and tell her what my reply was to that. I knew something was wrong due to my son's behavior changing, so I started listening to all their phone conversations. This is how I discovered what was going on. She tells my son that he is 17, soon to be 18, and he does not have to listen to me or obey any rules. She tells him to resist me and to be rude and surly and to stop telling me that he loves me. She says I don't deserve his love. My son has allowed her to brainwash him.

She says jump, and he does everything she says. She has been the source of havoc in our household for a long time. When she calls me names he agrees with her. I heard him say "Yeah, she sure is" and "Yeah, I don't love my mom". HE USED TO BE SUCH A GREAT GUY!!! AND SO LOVING!!!. He has no friends now. She has built a wall around him. He has alienated all his family members. He does not interact with other human beings on this earth, only interacts with her. His school grades are down. Her parents don't know what to do anymore. They say they have put up with her behavior for the last 3 yrs. She is defiant, and challenges authority at every turn. Her therapist has not been able to get through to her or help her. The plan now is for the 15 yr old girl to get pregnant, so they can be together forever without interference. She says she is so excited because she gets to shop at maternity stores soon. My son just goes along with whatever she says. My son cut the phone lines on the other extensions so no one could interfere with her phone conversations. She hates everyone in my son's life. y) She has turned my son into a lying, hateful, and scheming son. My son is so in love with her that he has become an addict. He is addicted to her. He does not see that she is bad and mean spirited to everyone else but him.

He thinks she is wonderful! Love is so blind. He already got expelled from Christian school because of her and his actions.

Now he is in public school. He still does not have a part time job. 3 days ago, we disconnected his phone line. We have taken way his new car (the one we got him 8 months ago). We told him that she was the wrong girl friend to have and why. We told him to let her go, that she was history. She is to never call here, and my son is to never use our phone line to call her. We will hold his car for 1 month instead of selling it as was our first intention. After 1 month, we will decide to sell it or to hold it until he has regained our trust and built up good relations with his father and I. We told him to do what he is suppose to be doing or to go get this girl and take off. IT WAS HIS CHOICE. Today he said that he knows she is not a good person and that he called it quits with her. He knows now what he did wrong.

He says that she manipulated him and he allowed it to happen. BUT HE IS LYING TO ME AGAIN!!!! He called her from my phone, (while I was gone, I recorded it) and she told him to pretend that they broke up, so that in a month or two he would get his car back. And that he would be 18 yrs old in 2 weeks anyway so it did not matter because at 18 he can tell me to go F_ _ _ myself. And they could do what they want. Last week, I took him to a therapist, he lied to the therapist and told him what he wanted to hear and agreed with everything the therapist said. SO NOW WHAT DO I DO??? Do I tell my son to hit the road when he gets 18?

Do I say, you car is sold, if you don't forget this little girl you will have nothing from me but food and shelter for 2 more weeks?

Or put him on the front porch and say Bye Bye. Her parents told me that she was being treated for ODD "Oppositional Defiant Disorder". She is a bad seed. She will ruin my sons life if he does not get away from her. The therapist told me that. Also, this is my sons first girl friend. He does not know this is not normal. I keep telling him it is unhealthy and not normal. Help Me.
Please reply. Thank you

The more you fight him seeing her, the more he will want to.

I can give you a few suggestions, but the main thing is that you have to be consistent in what you say to him. Make the rules and stick to them.

A 17 yr. old has no business with a new car when he doesn't work and acts the way he does. My first advice would be to sell the car and put restrictions on him as far as hours out and school work. He needs to also understand that playing around with a 15 yr old with mental problems can land him in jail.

My biggest suggestion is to find a Tough Love support group in your area and go to the meetings. If there isn't a group close to you then get into counseling yourself to help you learn how to make him responsible for his own actions without feeling guilty. You don't owe him a car or anything else except food and shelter until he is of age. It is your house and you set the rules and stick to them. If he thinks he can do better on his own, then let him.

Hopefully the girl is in therapy and under a doctors care for her behavioral problems. If your son really cares for her, he will work with her parents and doctors to help stabilize her. She isn't a bad seed, but is young, and it takes time and a lot of work with someone with her disorder. As her body changes so do her needs as far as medications and therapy and he needs to understand that by going along with her behavior he is not helping her. Please get some professional help for yourself and check into that Tough Love support group.