My problem is so complex. I am 44 years old and need some advice urgently. Two years ago I was married, and lived in Australia with my husband and two children. I had been married for 13 years without any problems. It was good. Then one day I met a man on the net, fell in love, and after a few months came to America. Just left my family and my job, just like that. Only my daughter knew I was going. It was exciting and I guess I had looked after everyone else all my life, and I was doing something for myself.

Anyway, I am now married and live in the United States. Recently I went back to see my children (18 and 21). I told my new husband I was missing them terribly, and he knew I was going back to make a decision on returning home to them for good. He has grown children here in the United States, and he is in the same predicament as me. If he settled in Australia, he would miss his children too much. I just thought that my children would come live in the US with me, and everything would be fine, but that was a stupid romantic notion. I am normally such a level headed woman. I was a professional businesswoman for 10 years with an extremely demanding highly paid position...and look what I did!!!!!

Anyway....
My children live at home with their father, in Australia. I recently stayed with them all for three weeks, and honestly, it was as if I had never left. My ex and I were always good friends and we all got on so well. I just didn't miss the United States at all. And I was able to see my family.

I had decided on the way back to America, that I was going to return to Australia for good, and go back to my old house and old life. Like they say husbands and wives come and go, but children are forever.......... But, when I got back here, I had a nicely written letter to give to my husband when he told me he has Hepatitis C, diagnosed while I was away, and he didn't want to tell me until I got back...... I was devastated. He was so upset. I have been back a month now. I felt I should stay because I do love him, and I am his wife. If I leave, he will have no health insurance, and I do. He has had so many tests lately, costing thousands, but my insurance has paid most of it. He wouldn't have been able to afford if I was not here and working.

So my dilemma is, should I tell him now? Or wait until he gets a bit better mentally? He has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver also, but it functions like a normal liver, I just want to make sure he is getting the tests and medication he needs. He has been told he needs to go on medication, which will be for 6 months. I can't stay that long. My children are waiting for me.

Help...what should I do??

I feel that I should be here to care for him. Everyone needs to be loved and feel loved, and I do love him, but I think I also care for my ex. However, not in a sexual way. But the children are my calling card back home

What on earth should I do??
Desperate

PS: I HAVE WRITTEN LETTERS TO OTHER SITES AND NEVER HAD A RESPONSE. I DO HOPE YOU ARE KIND ENOUGH TO REPLY TO THIS...THANK YOU

It's true that children are forever, but they grow and have lives of their own. Even though we miss them and want to be a part of their lives, we have to learn to have lives of our own and not live our lives to be close to them. They are adults now and they accepted your decision to move to the states. Don't use them as an excuse to move back.

I think perhaps counseling will help you with your decision. It's normal to still have feelings for your ex-husband, but you made the decision to leave him for another man that has made you happy. Now he is ill and you want to go back because your children are waiting for you.

Love your children and miss them...but call and get some counseling to help you decide what to do for yourself.