Hi I am a 36 year old male who has been divorced since June of 2000. The problem I have is that I still care for my ex-wife and cannot stand the thought of living my life without her. When I filed for divorce it was almost a have to case because she was having an affair with another man. We were married for six years and lived together for ten. Just recently we have decided to try again to make our relationship work, only I am having a problem putting the past behind me. Could you please give me some advice on what to do in my situation? I guess my question is, do you think that it is possible for a couple to put everything in the past and start fresh and make a good life together after affairs and wrongdoing by both (on several occasions? I am just so confused and need to some neutral advice on what I should try to do, because all my friends just see what she has done wrong and neglect to understand that I too have made mistakes in my life and I wish I could go back and change all the bad things I have done to destroy my relationship with the woman I want to spend my whole life with.

You both have made mistakes and still think that the relationship is worth trying to save.

Sometimes affairs and wrongdoings are hard to put in the past while you are trying to rebuild and that is understandable.

The best advice that I can give is marriage counseling for both of you. None of us can go back and change things that we have done in the past. We can only accept the things that we cannot change and change the things that we can. The hardest part is knowing the difference... and a professional can help you both.

As far as your friends are concerned, you do not owe them any explanations. Just tell them that you both have made mistakes and are trying to work things out and would appreciate their support. If they continue to knock down what you are trying to rebuild, then it's time to look for new friends.