Wow, here goes. I haven't been able to sleep for days. I am forty years old, (believe it or not, when I was fourteen, I had a newspaper advice column of my own, so congratulations). Anyway, I can't stop crying. I have been in a whirlwind relationship for almost two years now, mostly off but when we are on we are really pretty serious. The man is nearly forty, and I believe he cares about me very much, very very much, but has never made a formal commitment to me (which is nice, I would rather someone not make a commitment than to one that doesn't make a difference.) Here's the problem. He tells me sometimes, that he considers marriage with me, but is still dating other women and is a confessed sexual addict. This man is a respectable black man who works for the Salvation Army. I am beautiful (pretty) in spirit, in heart and in my face (true), and he practices celibacy. When we first met we did not practice celibacy but he decided too after all the confusion that happened between us and several of his other "partners". Seriously, I am in love with this man, though we have had serious problems. He works with drug users and prostitutes, I am in a professional career but am willing to join him in his, in fact, he is moving away to Minneapolis, transferring his job and I want more than anything to go with him. He says "great" come with, and yet I still wonder if I am letting myself get carried away. I am an intelligent person. I know that if he really loves me I will know it. I do know he cares, very much. We also don't have sex and haven't for almost a year and he says he is celibate and I believe him. He is seriously religious but how long can a man hold out. What would you suggest doing? I want to be with this man, but Minneapolis is very far from where I live, in St. Louis. My kids and my family is also here, though I suspect I will go ahead and move whether anyone says it's ok or not.

Before you leave to be with him, reread the letter you wrote to me and put your "advice columnist" hat on. Highlight the sentence.."he is still dating other women and is a confessed sexual addict." Your relationship for the past two years has been mostly off, but serious when it is on.

I see a lot of red flags here and you should too. Don't give up your career just yet. Perhaps just a vacation and some investigating into this man will help you make some rational decisions.