How to score: 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.

1. ___ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
   
   
2. ___ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
   
   
3. ___ The cat is on Valium.
   
   
4. ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
   
   
5. ___ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
   
   
6. ___ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
   
   
7. ___ No one has _time_ to wait for microwave TV dinners.
   
   
8. ___ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
   
   
9. ___ You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
   
   
10. ___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates.

How you rate:
30 - a perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!
20-29 - You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up.
10-19 - You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?
0- 9 - Enjoying all that extra time? What do you _do_ anyway?