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Professions
- An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the
value of nothing.
- An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all
the wounded.
- A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
- An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
- A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.
- An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
(Laurence J. Peter)
- A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.
- A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)
- A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee
cup and a doughnut.
- A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a
"brief." (Franz Kafka)
- A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful
girl enters the room.
- A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
- A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked
children.
- A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.
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